Log in

No account? Create an account
Becky's Journal [entries|friends|calendar]

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Funny shit [17 Mar 2004|09:02am]
[ mood | amused ]

Well lets just say funny shit happened this last weekend, the funniest thing is I found out how much I really mean to someone and wow was I wrong. I thought this whole time I was their best friend. Its funny how you can think one second that you are having one of the greatest nights ever and it quickly turn into pure shit in less then a half hour. Well I guess I learned a great lesson, The best friend a person can truly have is themselves.

post comment

WOW its been a while! [05 Jan 2004|09:57am]
Well I guess I havent updated this in FOREVER so I might as well. Hmmm I guess I should update everyone as well. I am living in Bridgman Mi now working as a receptionist at a medical clinic probably starting school soon as that job of mine feels a lil better. Im happy. Miss my kittys tho. but yeah I guess what sums it up all I do anymore is sleep and work. But hey its not that bad. lol.
5 comments|post comment

Hardest thing ever [29 Sep 2003|03:39pm]
I really dont know where to start with things. I have been in love with someone since I was about 16 years old he has been a friend to me throughout the years and has been there for me when I needed it the most and when my so called best friends didnt even know I was still alive. He knows me like no one else dose yeah we dont get to hang out so much because hes always on the road everytime I get the chance its always so amazing to get to see him. We used to flirt we used to be all about eachother but I never really new how much he cared for me. Well I gave up on that whole situation and figured that we would always just be great friends. Although that killed me because honestly it was love at first sight with him. But I always convinced myself otherwise. Well I moved on and finally found someone amazing. I really really do love Jymmi. He has shown me love like no other person has. He means the world to me. He would marry me in a second if I told him I was ready. He treats me like a queen and makes me feel so graet about myself. With all the love I feel for him i didnt think anything could shake it. But the guy I was talkin about earlier has. Last night while I was hangin with him in Toledo last night and he said that he was holding back things he wanted to say to me because he didnt want to confuse me because I have a boyfriend. Well he confess that he loved me and always has since the day he met me all those years ago. He said he didnt want a relationship (which IM IN ONE ANYWAYS GEEESH)right now because he cant give me everything. He said that if ever or when he is ready for me he said that he knows with all his heart that I am the one he wants to marry. This is killing me because i honestly dont know what to do with myself. I almsot feel like running away from everyhing although I knwo thats the easy way out. He said he didnt want me to wait for him and if I was happy with Jymmi to stay with him. But just know that someday when hes ready if I am not married that it doesnt matter he will do whatever it takes to make me his. ( he said it differently then that I kidna made it sound creepy) but I have wanted him to tell me that for so long and now hes saying it and I dont know what I want. I really wish I knew what the hell to do or to think because god knwos I love Jymmi he is the greatest.GOd will someone help me!!
2 comments|post comment

an update [24 Aug 2003|10:07pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Well lets just say wow I forgot a had a live journal lol. Anyways there really isnt too much new with me. I have been up to the same things as always hangin with Jymmi a lot, confused about a lot, but I finally got my tatoo and I go back to get my other in a week or so. So that should be good times. Ang left me. I miss her a ton and well I am starting out on a job search starting tomorrow wish me luck!

2 comments|post comment

I know its been forever [10 Jun 2003|06:56pm]
[ mood | loved ]

Well there has been a lot going on with me lately and well I don’t even know where to start really. But I guess here is as good as any. I have met a guy, the guy of my dreams. He is everything I have ever wanted in a friend, a partner, a mentor, and a companion. His name is Jymmi. He is the best thing in the world and I wish and hope that every girl finds a guy that is this great. I know I am lucky as to of found this something that I have longed for since I can remember. I didn’t think I would find it for years and I wasn’t sure if I was ready for it when it did come a long. I was really scared at first I must admit. I started to do what I normally do, which is run away. But I knew I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t short change myself and I couldn’t hurt this one. He is so amazing in every way. If you look back at one of my old entries, the one where I talked about my perfect guy, well he meets everything I said. I honestly didn’t think that a guy that perfect existed. He is everything I have ever wanted and MORE. I am so happy that I don’t even know what to do with myself. I have never ever seen myself with someone forever but I cant see my life without him in it. I don’t want to experience anything without him by my side. He is my everything and what makes it so much better is I know he loves me. He feels as strongly about me as I do him. He is my all and I NEVER want to lose him. We have not been together for that long but it seems like we have been together forever. It weird because I have dated a lot of guys and they were all the same, boring, mindless, or after one thing. But Jymmi is into everything I am. His passion is music as is mine. He puts his heart into everything he does and is the sweetest guy to everyone. He would bend over backwards for his friends and family to please them. He is so understanding and sees me like no one else has. And something that makes me love him more then anything is he sees things in me that no one else has. He sees the things that I like about myself that even my family doesn’t notice and he loves it. He is so amazing and I know we are going to be together forever. Well that should catch everyone up with what is going on with me well except I graduated from hell I mean high school Saturday!!!!!!!!! Thank fucking GOD!!!!! Well that’s it for now

4 comments|post comment

Tennessee [16 May 2003|10:26pm]
Yupo thats right Im in Tennessee. How fun you say? Ok not really its not that great. Kinda really boring but yeah its always nice to get away right? Ok i lied again. I miss my BED lol and my lil baby Boo hes too cute. Well I just hope everyone else is having a great time.
post comment

For sure one of the best times yet!!!!!!! [14 May 2003|06:28pm]
Well lets see..... Yesterday/last night started out like any other day...I woke up went to hell I mean school. After that I started to get excited cause I knew later that night I was going to get to see some of my fav guys in the world whom I hadnt got to see in almost 3 years!(Chimaira) So I called my bud Ang up and was like get your ass over here. Ok thats not really what I said but yeah so me and Ang were all geeked about the night that we knew was going to be great. Both of us a bit nervous. Well I got a call from Rob who said that that we should come out and see them so we got in the car and got on our way to the (crappy ass) I-Rock. Well when we got there i totally got butterflys in my stomach. As I got out of the car I could see the bus and all the fans and I was totalyl geeked well as soon as I shut the car door some niggys started yelling at us and yelling things at us.. needless to say i got uncomfortable because me and Ang are some lil white girls whom are not acustom to gettho slang hahahah. Anyways we finally made it to the I Rock and as I was told I knocked on the Red bus and bam right out the door poped a face I had longed to see for SOOOOOOOOOOO long. It was Rob!!! He grabed me up and gave me the biggest hug ever. I had never been so happy/excited to see ever. Anywho he invited us on the bus and we hung out and hung out it was great. I love the guys especially Rob and Chris i swear those are two guys I know for sure are great. Anywho later after hanging out a while and a bunch of fun and crazy stuff happening it was time for Chimaira to go on. So me and Ang went in with them and got to stand on stage for the whole set. The guys played great and the fans for sure went ape shit. It was great. Well thats all i got to say for now I am kinda in a hurry.
1 comment|post comment

PROM [10 May 2003|11:57pm]
Yeah ok I thought prom was going to suck but NOPE it was a blast. Everyone looked wonderful my date was wonderful and MY HAIR was wonderful THANKS TO ANG!!!( I love ya hun) God I busted out my moves like whoa. haha OH AND V you looked SOOO FREAKING CUTE!!!!!!!! I am going to steal your dress!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1 comment|post comment

Yupo Prom tonight [10 May 2003|10:03am]
Well i figured I would update since I dont do this all that much, but yeah I have prom tonight. It should be good times. I'm going with my bud Wally. So for sure we will have a blast!! But yeah Tuesday Chimaira what??????? heheh Im so excited to see my guys!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
4 comments|post comment

I dont know what to do [02 May 2003|01:17pm]
[ mood | Unsure ]

Well hmm let me see whats goin on with me. Well I still care about guy X as I have called him before but I dont think that we are going to have our time now if ever if, in fact this man I am talkin to now is as great as I think he is. Guy X will always hold a place in my heart but I dont know anymore I am so torn on what to do. I know guy X sooooooooo much better then this new guy in my life and I know how great guy X is and I really know I love him so much but, do i wait for him to let his heart heal from his heart break that happend pretty recently? and, if so how long so i wait and should I? Because its so unsure. But then this new guy comes along and hes amazing in so many ways. I dont know him as well but I see potential there. He is what I look for in a guy. Hes SUPER DUPER passionate, charming, super smart, knows what hes talkin about, hes funny, goofy , and has great eyes. But then there is guy X who is all of that and MORE!!!!!!! I know for a fact that guy X is all of those things but this new guy seems to be but what if it turns out like every other relationship i have had with a guy and he turns out to be totally not what I thought. I am not going to rush into any decisions but god I just dont know what to do.

6 comments|post comment

BUSY ME!! [26 Apr 2003|11:08pm]
[ mood | busy ]

Yeah today I just found out my shedual for the next couple of weeks and man am I a busy girl!!!!!!! the 2nd I get to go see my boys "The Ultimate Answer to Life the Universe and Everything" and then 8 days after that I have Prom blah!!! then 3 days after that I FINALLY get to see my Rob and my boys in Chimaira at the I-Rock and then the day after that I get to see Everytime I Die again!!!!!!!! YAH and the day after that I get to go to Tennessee for a few days!!!!!!!! god only like 4 more weeks of my high school career left!!! How nuts!!!!!!!!!

post comment

One of the Best times yet [25 Apr 2003|10:45pm]
Yup ya got that right I had a blast in ol C-town with my homies from Coloma and gangsta Jamie!!! I saw Everytime I Die FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and omg I was blown away they were so amazing I freaking love that band! and then Hopesfall!!!!!!!! Wow let me tell you that was some good shit!!!When I first got to the show I kinda lost everyone I was with and I went back to the Merch tables and well the merch guy for Hopesfall remembered me and was like Omg and gave me a hug and talked to me for a bit then he yelled for the singer and he was like omg you drove all the way out here to see us! I told him my reasons lol anyways it was cool they remember their fans. But while I was looking at the ETID merch I saw Steve!!!!!! I was like YAY!!!!! and well he poped out and talked to me for a bit it was kinda awkward finally talkin to him in person seeing how I have really only talked to him online and on the telly but yup hes great. Anyways i had a blast everytime I go to Coloma and hang with my guys and then seeing 2 great bands and I mean shit what more could I ask for?????
post comment

Coloma here I come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [23 Apr 2003|09:07am]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

Well it looks as tho I am finally going to ol C-town again!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!! I cant wait. I get to see all my gangsters I used to slang with! Like Sam,Joey,Adam,Kenny,and Ricky. Hopefully I get to see Nick and Ashley Knight!!! That would kick some major ass. Oh and guess what else!!.......I get to see Hopesfall again! With EVERYTIME I DIE!!! and I get to see THe Beautiful Mistake again. Geesh I cant wait. Ill have to let ya know how that goes!!!!!!!

post comment

Things going well???? [22 Apr 2003|12:38am]
[ mood | loved ]

Well as of right now things are pretty swell with me. I dont feel as overwelmed as I used to and I feel less stressed about things. I really dont think there are too many things that could get me down. Its weird cause its the first time in a while that I can say I am content. I do miss a certein someone ( well will call him X) but I have to wait til may to get to see him. Oh I CANT WAIT! I wish every girl had a guy in her life that is as grounded and able to see her as X is.I jsut care about this guy so much and I have for over 3 years now. How crazy is that. Hes been there for me through so much some of the dumb things I have done, some of the bad things that have happened to me, my family and my friends. Its weird cause we dont see eachother a lot he always comes along when I need him most. and I love being there for him. Its weird tho cause I dont know how I feel about him totally. I used to be so head over heals for him but my affections have grown and changed so much and I guess in a sense have become stronger. I dont know tho its a strange feeling I have never had in my life and I dont know what to do with it. I dont know what I mean. But I do know one thing tho. Hes the only guy I can talk to then feel like taking on the whole world. He impowers me SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much. He sees so much in me that I dont even see and that no one else does. He looks at me and sees what I really am and what I really can be. He sees what everyone else over looks. He opens my eyes and my heart to so much. GOD I dont know what to do about these feelings. DO I love him or are wee jsut great friends. I know he cares about me. God I love him but in what ways. I feel like i want to say I love him as a women says to a man but I dont know I dont ever want to use that word loosely again. God I dont know what to think or do all I know is I cant wait to see him!!!!!!!!

post comment

Good Times [20 Apr 2003|12:48am]
[ mood | happy ]

Yupo tonight was pretty swell if I dont say so myself. Yup I went with V to get Sushi and then to the mall then to see Hot Hot Heat. That band was pretty great I thought. There I met up with Jamie and Kendra...those girls rock. Anywho so needless to say I had a good time with good peoples and good music ( aside from THE GO (YUCKY))

1 comment|post comment

My day.... [16 Apr 2003|12:38pm]
[ mood | numb ]

Have you ever just felt numb? Well yeah I cant wait for spring break. I really do need just that " a BREAK" from everything. I just want to get out of school. I go there everyday and its always the same. I wake up everyday knowing how I am going to feel in every class, and what everyone around me will talk about or say. Its all so predictable. I need something more. I dont like consistency for long periods of time. I need change or something to jump out and remind me that I am awake. Cause sometimes it feels like I am still sleeping. I really hate school for that reason. I mean a lot of people dont like school because of a number of reason but mine number one reason is because its the same and all the people are so predictable. ITS BORING. My mind is too complex for this. I need a more stimulating environment or something. Like when I am out of school I can read or talk to people aside from typical high school students about everything like life,politics,music,art,anything really. But at school its all the same bull shit I really hope collage is not like this but I have a feeling that its going to be. Well again I guess Ill just have to make the most of it. I'm out

post comment

I figured it out!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [10 Apr 2003|03:20pm]
[ mood | bitchy ]

OK I fucking just lied hahaha. But yeah.. heres a topics...how in the fuck do ya know who is really your friend? I always thought it was being there for someone ya know and listening to them. Its funny I never get that its like everyone comes and crys on my shoulder and dont get my wrong I do love it I love helping and listening to people. I am even there for people ever if I have heard there views and stories 100000000 times. Sure it gets old but I have to be there ya know. I love this freaking journal thing. No one reads mine really and I dont give out the link its all me taklin to myself. Becky I love you lol just wish ya were a bit happier. And wish ya had more friends. But anyways yeah I cant wait school is almost over and I can find people who I actually have things in common with its weird how almsot everyone on my buddy list is over the age of 20. Hmm I guess it I am into mature people I cant wait for the REAL WORLD... Look out WORLD CAUSE HERE COMES BECKY FUCKIN FREDERICKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh yeah did I ever say I miss a certain someone. And did I ever say I hated guys ( i do for the most part) and did I ever tell you that I found one that isnt like the rest? Yeah well I believe he isnt so I hope he doesnt prove me wrong like all the rest!

1 comment|post comment

MY PERFECT GUY!!! [23 Mar 2003|03:30pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

Hmm well where do I start. Well first I guess he would have to be smart. I need a guy who can challenge my intellectual side. I want a guy I can have a decent conversation with or some long in depth ones. Also I want a guy with a fun sense of humor. I love to laugh and joke around. I want a guy that can be goofy and him self but then when its time to be serious can pull it together. I think a guy should be able to know when it’s time to play or time to be serious. I also want a guy whom is up front and honest with me as I would be with him. I want a guy who wants to devote himself completely to me as I would him. I want a guy that loves to wake up on the weekends next to me and just pull the sheets over are heads and cuddle the day away. I want a guy who is passionate. I don’t care what about it could be collecting stamps or something I just want someone who understands me that way. I want a guy who is pretty strong. I am a very emotional person I need a guy who is stable enough to handle that. I also want a guy who is somewhat romantic. He doesn’t have to be super romantic but I think its great when there is some romance. I want a guy who would love to stay up the entire night making love and worshiping each other’s bodies. I want a guy who has dreams and wants to go somewhere in life. I don’t care about money so much. I just want a guy that is happy with his job and loves going to it everyday. That way when he comes home he has a smile on his face and doesn’t feel like he is wasting his time. Another thing I like is balance in a relationship. I want there to be some disagreements ( not a ton cause then that’s a waste of time) but where u can make up after them. lol. I want a guy who will love me as much as I love him. I can’t wait till I find this guy. So we can take walks along the beach and cuddle in front of the fire. I can’t wait to wake up every morning and see him messy hair and sweet face I just cant wait!!! But I know I have to and I know this is a dream but this is one dream I want to make sure comes true.

1 comment|post comment

Well I am bored! [21 Mar 2003|01:22pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

Yup Im bored! I cant take it much longer I have like 30 min of class left and its going SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO slow I am going nuts I fucking hate high skool. It blows big floppy donkey dick!! I cant wait til June 7th! Yupo thats right I am freaking graduating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anywho to catch ya up to date with me um I am into a guy I shouldnt be. Cause there is no way it would work even if he does care about me. AHHH why do thing shae to be so difficult. Oh well I will live I guess.

1 comment|post comment

Um Glassjaw.. AMAZING? FUCK RIGHT! [17 Mar 2003|03:28pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

Well lets just say I have a great weekend. I didnt go to school friday so that was wonderful, did a lil shopping which is always nice (seeing how I NEVER do!!) Then sat I woke up and guess what. MY GUYS ARE COMING!! My buddies Sam,Kenny and Joey from Coloma/Watervilet came to stay with me and my good pal Ang. Well lets just say we had a blast. We went and Saw Sno Core and yupo it was kick ass. I dont even need to get started on how fucking great Glassjaw was, but Dredg was wow I thought they were super rad. I liked their music before and thought it was pretty swell but then I saw them live, They dont move around too much or do anything too exciting but their sound was great and perfect. Their singers voice was out of this world. ( Still no Daryl tho but I gues you really can't compare those two guys at all) Anywho after the show we went and got lost in Detroit with NO GAS! thats was an adventure all in itself. Then when we got back to Ang's finally! We got Wendy's and then went to my house after to watch all my Glassjaw videos and what not. Then we went back to Angs to watch MONSTER SQUAD!! Hell yeah! lol got to love that movie. But it was great hangin with my guys again it had been too long. well I know there was alot more that happend butI dont feel like typing anymore but this weekend was good stuff.

1 comment|post comment

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]